Am I doing the right thing? diagnosis or not?

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Am I doing the right thing? diagnosis or not?

Post  Labrador on Fri Oct 10, 2008 12:17 am

Hi, I have just descovered this website! Thankyou, It has been really isolating -no one understanding why my boys are so 'naughty'!? Over the years they have endured being the only child in the class not invited to parties, not invited to tea etc. Both boys have had private educational psycologist review at the end of year 4. One has asperger 'traits', and the younger one dyspraxia 'traits.' Having diligently read all I can on both issues the reality is a bit more serious than 'traits.' I have not wanted to go down the NHS route of 'testing' I was worried that they would think they were 'ill'. There is no record in their GP notes, I have had no-one to talk to so value your experienced thoughts. Do you think I am doing them a disservice by no formal diagnosis? I don't really want them labelling, but maybe this would help?? any thoughts? The boys are 12 and 10 now. Many thanks.
Shocked

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no right or wrong

Post  kathy1 on Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:05 pm

Hi there glad you found the website and hope it can be of help to you. There are no right or wrongs, I think it.s whatever you and your family are comfortable with. However it may help them when it comes to exam time, getting extra help etc. There are some good books on the market and a couple have been written for young people these may help, in addition The adolescent with developmental co-ordination disorder by Amanda Kirby, Discover yourself by Gill Dixon, Tips with teens by Dr Lillian Beattie. All will explain that they are not ill but just need to work harder than other children/ young people their age. It is such a shame that people label them naughty as after all it's probably the frustration and being tired for putting the extra effort in. Have school suggested anything to help them? Have the boys ever spoken to you about their difficulties? Sorry for asking just trying to get a wider picture on how best to help.
Dyspraxia is not an illness and I'm afraid often misunderstood, although it is not curable improvements can be made if given the appropriate help and support/advice on practical issues as well as medical and can often minimise the day to day difficulties that their dyspraxia can cause. having siad that the book written by Madeleine Portwood called Developmental Dyspraia"Indentification and Intervention" does not involve visiting any medical person. A book explaining Dyspraxia, hints, tips, advice as well as programmes to follow, worth a read if nothing else. many children go undiagnosed but manage in life I think it's personal choice. My own daughter now 18 was diagnosed and got the support she required in education which she says has helped tremondously, in addition she helps the special needs department at open evening which parents and the young people have found beneficial, as lets face it young people find it easier to talk to otherws who understand. That's just one example of how it can help.
As said the choice is yours and you shouldn't feel pressurised you know your boys and will do your best accordingly whatever the decision you make. Hope this has helped and not thrown a spanner in the works? You don't have to feel isolatd we can support you through this. Kathy. Smile

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Thankyou

Post  Labrador on Fri Oct 10, 2008 11:04 pm

Hi there, thanks for your promt reply, looks like a day in the library for me tomorrow! As for school, they are learning along with me and try to be supportive but sometimes fall back to the 'naughty' (as do I if I am honest) so I forgive them. I am trying to find a way forward with organisation. We have recently installed whiteboards on bedroom walls -'to do' list are written each night and checked at inervals in the morning it keeps them on track , get up , get dresed, omega oil, breakfast, clean, teeth etc. Lists achieved are rewarded! We also got one of those canvas wardrobe hangers that you can get from Ikea with Monday Tuesday etc slots- perfect for uniform. We are on a mission here! Any idea for anger management in the 10 year old with dyspraxia would be welcome. I am trying to train myself that the children are not 'naughty' but that they need understanding and direction but they have to live in the real world. I really feel for them when they explain things that have happened at school and how things are missunderstood as arrogance or rudeness. Also I need to give clear messages to them re acceptable behaviour and their young sister is watching!! I try to rationalise with them and they know they are 'neurodiverse' -how boring it would be if we were all the same! On a positive note he is the most self-less, sharing child I have ever come accross. I find motherhood to be an emotional rollercoaster. Its great to have you there, so thank you. One last note - we bought a labrador as research suggets this is great for improving social skills!! (and chewing your rugs!!) The children love him but he adds to the work load be under no illusion.......

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hello there

Post  kathy1 on Sat Oct 11, 2008 6:32 pm

Seems to me you sre doing a great job. A positive approach is paying off. Regarding your son's behaviour consistency is the key, same approach, telling him his behaviour is unacceptable and explaining why. Give praise where it's due eg you did really well, you were very patient when waiting in that queue etc. Coloured coded folders are great for each different subject specially when in High school, as is getting everything redy the night the before, although when my daughter started high school she took everything book with her in order to make sure she wasn't missing anything or get into trouble. it was only when her sisiter looked in her bag for a form we noticed everything crammed in so had to get her organised.
Not so sure on the dog let me know how it goes (not really a dog lover). We have support group here in Yorkshire will keep you informed off whats going on, just keep looking on the web.
How's the book reading gone?
Kathy Smile Smile

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